I plan on attending:
http://www.berklee.edu/ (california)
http://www.juilliard.edu/ ( New York)
Music! To most people it’s just a word but to me it’s so much more. To me music is a feeling; it’s not just some words to a beat. It’s that sound that puts your mind in a trance. Or that bass that just makes your body want to move. I could be the chillest down to earth person you’ll meet, but when I hear music you see my true colors.
Its one thing to listen to music but actually make music is a whole other thing. It’s like you’re in a whole new world. Your mind just goes, and you start to come up with all these stories in your head, and next thing you know it’s written on paper. When I write songs it feels like a mission; something that I just have to finish.
In one sense I am the music, weather I’m making it or just listening to it. When I hear music I feel like my voice becomes the melody to the song, my feet become the soul and rhythm of the song, and my mind becomes a place where I can see the story to the song. To me just listening to music is not enough I have to live and feel it.
Music is the one thing that I feel I can always depend on to take me on a rollercoaster ride full of emotions and feelings. The one thing that comforts me when I’m feeling down. And the one thing that gives me a sense of satisfaction and excitement. Music just sets me free.
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Marissa, I really liked your essay, it was interesting to see how you felt about music. You talk about music being the one thing that gives you a sense of satisfaction and excitement, if it does then you should really pursue a career that deals with music. I can see that music is a real big part of your life and it kind of makes you the person you are today. Good JOB :)
ReplyDeleteDesha Garcia
I enjoyed reading your essay Marissa :) I like how you said music is not just a beat with lyrics but it means more to you and puts your mind in a trance and gives you satisfaction. But when you start writing you final essay you should add more details using the show not tell. But overall I enjoyed reading you essay :)
ReplyDeleteHi Marissa,
ReplyDeleteBe sure to include the prompt for your essay. Without that, I can't tell whether your essay fulfills the admission essay requirements or not.
I think Raena made a good point about needing more details. She needed to expand on that for her commentary to be very helpful, though.
So I will expand on it here. Note: I am responding as if the essay prompt where, "tell why music is important to you." Again, I am limited in my response because you did not include the prompt.
If the purspoes was to show music's importance in your life, you need to do more than *say* it's important. You need to prove it...to "show, not tell." And, since both colleges focus on music, you need to include spelcific experiences, etc, that would show why you would be a good candidate for enrollment. Right now, the essay shows you like music but it does not really set you apart as someone who should be enrolling in a college of music. Show them that...
Let me know if you have questions...
mrs s