Goddess:Hestia
Sweet as a cherry and warm as the sun
This girl is so much more than just boys and fun
Born attached to her home
She is truly the mother of her dome
A person so beautiful and pure
No one can resist such an innocent lure
Made to burn as hot as fire
But true love is just not her desire
Immune to passionate lust
What’s more important is family and trust
So loving and so modest
She is really a unique godess
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hey marissa,
ReplyDeletei really enjoyed reading your poem it was very sweet. i noticed that the traits of hestia seem to compare to you. Hestia is very family oriented and she doesnt like to involve herself in the love scene and that is just like you. I like how you made your poem rhyme it just added a bit more to your poem.
You can deepen your poem by leaving more of an allusion i feel as if your just telling us. and if you maybe change your poem around to match an event in your life that would be great. Fix it up and it'll be good :) Good job .
-Desha
Marissa,
ReplyDeleteYour poem is so cute. I like how each & every line rhymes & flow into the next. The characteristics of hestia matches you perfectly. Like the part that says, "Made to burn as hot as fire/But true love is just not her desire", thats so you. I've known you for a long time to know who you truly are & hestia is a really great pick. Although you could use stronger & deeper words to describe certain parts of your poem, like "A person so beautiful and pure/No one can resist such an innocent lure" The words beautiful and innocent should be more leveled up to spice up your poem to make the reader really read & want to look up the word. You should try to connect a certain situation that hestia goes through so that it really shows the true sides of both you & the goddess. Over all your structure, voice, & such is really good, all you need to do is make a few changes.
-Micah
Hi Marissa,
ReplyDeleteGlad to see that all of your comments are now complete :)
Like your teammates, I enjoyed your poem. Most of your rhymes did work :) I think the "dome" one could be changed, though. That one seems forced.
I think Desha's suggestion about including more specifics is a good one. I would recommend adding specifics, both about Hestia and about yourself.
And, don't forget the graphic!
mrs s